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26 March 2017
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Quotes that Inspire
Carrot, Egg Or A Coffee Bean
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.
She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
The mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma.
The daughter then asked. "What's the point, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level? How do you handle Adversity?
ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?
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Let women have their own way or
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom.
The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question was: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really wants," she said, "is to be in charge of her own life." Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
"Which would you prefer? she asked him. "Beau tiful during the day ... or at night?"
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch! Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?
(If you are a man reading this ...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this ..) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT ... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.Now ... what is the moral to this story?
The moral is ..
If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.
The Story of Rose
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"?I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of kids..." "No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. " I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success:
* You have to laugh and find humor every day.
* You've got to have a dream.
* When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change."
* Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.
Lord I love You and I need You, come into my heart, Today.
For without You I can do nothing.
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THE BIBLE AND COAL BASKET
- joe eruppakkatt
The story is told of an old man who lived on a farm in the mountains of Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning, Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading from his old worn-out Bible. His grandson who wanted to be just like him tried to imitate him in any way he could.
One day the grandson asked, “Papa, I try to read the Bible just like you but I don’t understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bible do?”
The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and said,”Take this coal basket down to the river and bring back a basket of water.”
The boy did as he was told, even though all the water leaked out before he could get back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, ”You will have to m ove a little faster next time,” and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again.
This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was”impossible to carry water in a basket,” and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, “I don’t want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You can do this. You’re just not trying hard enough,” and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.
At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to showhis grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water wouldleak out before he got far at all. The boy scooped the water and ranhard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, “See Papa, it’s useless!”
“So you think it is useless?” the old man said. ”Look at the basket.” The boy looked at the basket and for the first time he realized that thebasket looked different. Instead of a dirty old coal basket, it wasclean. “Son, that’s what happens when you read the Bible. You might notunderstand or remember everything, but when you read it, it will change youfrom the inside out.” That is the work of God in our lives. To change us from the inside out and to slowly transform usinto the image of His son.
Take time to read a portion of God’s word each day, and remind a friend by sharing this story.”Live Simply, Love Generously, Care Deeply, Speak Kindly, Leave the Rest to God.”
Did You Know ?
Just for laughs
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.
"Light the Fire."
A few weeks ago as our pastor was preaching the sermon, our Music Director was acting a little frantic and working hard to change a song we were scheduled to sing after the sermon was over.
Our pastor was preaching on the topic "What About Hell." The song that we were scheduled to sing was "Light the Fire."
19 March 2017
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12 March 2017
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5 March 2017
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Quotes to Inspire
I left work early so I could have some uninterrupted study time right before the final in my seminary Youth Issues class. When I got to class, everybody was doing their last minute studying. The teacher came in and said he would review with us for just a little bit before the test. We went through the review, most of it right on the study guide, but there were some things he was reviewing that I had never heard of. When questioned about it, he said that they were in the book and we were responsible for everything in the book. We couldn't really argue with that.
Finally it was time to take the test.
"Leave them face down on the desk until everyone has one and I'll tell you to start," our prof instructed.
When we turned them over, every answer on the test was filled in! The bottom of the last page said the following: "This is the end of the Final Exam. All the answers on your test are correct. You will receive an 'A' on the final exam. The reason you passed the test is because the creator of the test took it for you. All the work you did in preparation for this test did not help you get the A. You have just experienced... grAce."
He then went around the room and asked each student individually, "What is your grade? Do you deserve the grade you are receiving? How much did all your studying for this exam help you achieve your final grade?"
Now I am not a crier by any stretch of the imagination, but I had to fight back tears when answering those questions and thinking about how the Creator has passed the test for me.
Discussion afterward went like this: "I have tried to teach you all semester that you are a recipient of grace. I've tried to communicate to you that you need to demonstrate this gift as you work with young people. Don't hammer them; they are not the enemy. Help them, for they will carry on your ministry if it is full of GRACE!"
Talking about how some of us had probably studied hours and some just a few minutes but had all received the same grade, he pointed to a story Jesus told in Matthew 20. The owner of a vineyard hired people to work in his field and agreed to pay them a certain amount. Several different times during the day, he hired more workers. When it was time to pay them, they all received the same amount. When the ones who had been hired first thing in the morning began complaining, the boss said, "Should you be angry because I am kind?" (Matthew 20:15).
The teacher said he had never done this kind of final before and probably would never do it again, but because of the content of many of our class discussions, he felt like we needed to experience grace.
Have you thanked your Creator today because of the grace you have experienced?
I'll Be Your Arms
Bob Butler lost his legs in a 1965 land mine explosion in Vietnam. He returned home a war hero. Twenty years later, he proved once again that heroism comes from the heart.
Butler was working in his garage in a small town in Arizona on a hot summer day when he heard a woman's screams coming from a nearby house. He began rolling his wheelchair toward the house but the dense shrubbery wouldn't allow him access to the back door. So he got out of his chair and started to crawl through the dirt and bushes.
I had to get there, he says. It didn't matter how much it hurt. When Butler arrived at the pool there was a three-year-old girl named Stephanie Hanes lying at the bottom. She had been born without arms and had fallen in the water and couldn't swim.
Her mother stood over her baby screaming frantically. Butler dove to the bottom of the pool and brought little Stephanie up to the deck. Her face was blue, she had no pulse and was not breathing. Butler immediately went to work performing CPR to revive her while Stephanie's mother telephoned the fire department. She was told the paramedics were already out on a call. Helplessly, she sobbed and hugged Butler's shoulder.
As Butler continued with his CPR, he calmly reassured her. Don't worry, he said. I was her arms to get out of the pool. It'll be okay. I am now her lungs. Together we can make it. Seconds later the little girl coughed, regained consciousness, and began to cry. As they hugged and rejoiced together the mother asked Butler how he knew it would be okay.
The truth is, I didn't know, he told her. But when my legs were blown off in the war, I was all alone in a field. No one was there to help except a little Vietnamese girl. As she struggled to drag me into her village, she whispered in broken English, It okay. You can live. I be your legs. Together we make it. Her kind words brought hope to my soul and I wanted to do the same for Stephanie.
There are simply those times when we cannot stand alone. There are those times when we need someone to be our legs, our arms, our friend.
A BEGGERS RAGS
A beggar lived near the king’s palace. One day he saw a proclamation posted outside the palace gate. The king was giving a great dinner. Anyone dressed in royal garments was invited to the party.
The beggar went on his way. He looked at the rags he was wearing and sighed. Surely only kings and their families wore royal robes, he thought. Slowly an idea crept into his mind. The audacity of it made him tremble.
Would he dare?
He made his way back to the palace. He approached the guard at the gate. “Please, sire, I would like to speak to the king.”
“Wait here,” the guard replied. In a few minutes, he was back. “His majesty will see you,” he said, and led the beggar in.
“You wish to see me?” asked the king.
“Yes, your majesty. I want so much to attend the banquet, but I have no royal robes to wear. Please, sir, if I may be so bold, may I have one of your old garments so that I, too, may come to the banquet?”
The beggar shook so hard that he could not see the faint smile that was on the king’s face.
”You have been wise in coming to me,” the king said. He called to his son, the young prince. “Take this man to your room and array him in some of your clothes.”
The prince did as he was told and soon the beggar was standing before a mirror, clothed in garments that he had never dared hope for.
“You are now eligible to attend the king’s banquet tomorrow night,” said the prince.
“But even more important, you will never need any other clothes. These garments will last forever.” The beggar dropped to his knees. “Oh, thank you,” he cried.
But as he started to leave, he looked back at his pile of dirty rags on the floor. He hesitated.
What if the prince was wrong?
What if he would need his old clothes again. Quickly he gathered them up.
The banquet was far greater than he had ever imagined, but he could not enjoy himself as he should.
He had made a small bundle of his old rags and it kept falling off his lap. The food was passed quickly and the beggar missed some of the greatest delicacies.
Time proved that the prince was right.
The clothes lasted forever. Still the poor beggar grew fonder and fonder of his old rags. As time passed people seemed to forget the royal robes he was wearing. They saw only the little bundle of filthy rags that he clung to wherever he went.
They even spoke of him as the old man with the rags.
One day as he lay dying, the king visited him.
The beggar saw the sad look on the king’s face when he looked at the small bundle of rags by the bed. Suddenly the beggar remembered the prince’s words and he realized that his bundle of rags had cost him a lifetime of true royalty.
He wept bitterly at his folly. And the king wept with him.
We have all been invited into the royal family–the family of God.
To feast at God’s dinner table, all we have to do is shed our old rags and put on the “new clothes” of faith which is provided by God’s Son Jesus Christ.
But we cannot hold onto our old rags. When we put our faith in Christ, we must let go of the sin in our life, and our old ways of living. Those things must be discarded if we are to experience true royalty and abundant life in Christ.
What are you holding on to from your life before knowing Jesus?
Whatever it is, get rid of it! God will give you everything you need … you don’t need to rely on the world to satisfy you any more!
God Never Leaves You By Yourself
I was walking down a dimly lit street late one evening when I heard muffled screams coming from behind a clump of bushes. Alarmed, I slowed down to listen, and panicked when I realized that what I was hearing were the unmistakable sounds of a struggle: heavy grunting, frantic scuffling, and tearing of fabric. Only yards from where I stood, a woman was being attacked. Should I get involved? I was frightened for my own safety, and cursed myself for having suddenly decided to take a new route home that night. What if I became another statistic? Shouldn't I just run to the nearest phone and call the police?
Although it seemed an eternity, the deliberations in my head had taken only seconds, but already the girl's cries were growing weaker. I knew I had to act fast. How could I walk away from this? No, I finally resolved, I could not turn my back on the fate of this unknown woman, even if it meant risking my own life.
I am not a brave man, nor am I athletic. I don't know where I found the moral courage and physical strength, but once I had finally resolved to help the girl, I became strangely transformed. I ran behind the bushes and pulled the assailant off the woman. Grappling, we fell to the ground, where we wrestled for a few minutes until the attacker jumped up and escaped.
Panting hard, I scrambled upright and approached the girl, who was crouched behind a tree, sobbing. In the darkness, I could barely see her outline, but I could certainly sense her trembling shock. Not wanting to frighten her further, I, at first, spoke to her from a distance.
"It's OK," I said soothingly. "The man ran away. You're safe now."
There was a long pause... and then I heard the words, uttered in wonder, in amazement. "Daddy, is that you?"
And then from behind the tree, stepped my youngest daughter, Katherine.
Just for laughs
A blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits.
She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me.
I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and she does not win.
Brandi again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and now I'm going to lose my car."
Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "Dear Lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEEEEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God himself...
"Brandi, work with me on this. Buy a ticket!"
Grandma and God
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
There is the story of a person who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.
Did you know ?
26 February 2017
Quotes to inspire
The mouse trap
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. "What food might this contain?" the mouse wondered. He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said "Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said "I am so very sorry, Mr.Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house - like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many! people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember: when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another. Each of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry.
A foot has no nose
by Ellen K. Kuzwayo
Of the many interactions I had with my mother those many years ago, one stands out with clarity. I remember the occasion when mother sent me to the main road, about twenty yards away from the homestead, to invite a passing group of seasonal work-seekers home for a meal. She instructed me to take a container along and collect dry cow dung for making a fire. I was then to prepare the meal for the group of work-seekers.
The thought of making an open fire outside at midday, cooking in a large three-legged pot in that intense heat, was sufficient to upset even an angel. I did not manage to conceal my feelings from my mother and, after serving the group, she called me to the veranda where she usually sat to attend to her sewing and knitting.
Looking straight into my eyes, she daid "Tsholofelo, why did you sulk when I requested you to prepare a meal for those poor destitute people?" Despite my attempt to deny her allegation, and using the heat of the fire and the sun as an excuse for my alleged behaviour, mother, giving me a firm look, said ""Lonao ga lo na nko" - "A foot has no nose". It means: you cannot detect what trouble may lie ahead of you.
Had I denied this group of people a meal, it may have happened that, in my travels some time in the future, I found myself at the mercy of those very individuals. As if that was not enough to shame me, mother continued: "Motho ke motho ka motho yo mongwe". The literal meaning: "A person is a person because of another person".
My Sons Would Know
The story is told of a father who took his two boys one afternoon to play miniature golf.
The father walked up to the man at the ticket counter and said, "How much is it to get in?" The young man replied, "Three dollars for you and three dollars for any kid who is older than six. We let them in for free if they are six or younger.
How old are your two?" The father replied, "This one is three and the other one is seven, so I owe you $6.00."
The young man at the ticket counter said, "Hey mister, did you just win the lottery or something? You could have saved yourself three bucks if you would have told me that the older one was six. I wouldn't have known the difference."
The father replied, "Yes, that may be true, but the boys would have known the difference."
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle, "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little fur ball appeared; this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands. Do you understand?
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Did you know ?
Just for laughs.
In a minute
A man was taking it easy, laying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God.
"God," he said, "how long is a million years?"
God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God answered, "To me, it's a penny."
The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"
God answered, "In a minute."
Dear God ...
If you give me a genie lamp like Alladin, I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set. Raphael
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. Danny
Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year. Peter
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. Larry
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. Sam
Sin of lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Quite a few hands went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
19 February 2017
Quotes to Inspire
-- By Bill McCartney
We jog, run, camp, fish, and build furniture. But, do we ever cross the line?
I'm Bill McCartney... It's 4th and Goal!
I know men who can take raw wood and a few nails and create a family heirloom. And then there are those of us who can listen to a sputtering engine and pinpoint the problem without even popping the hood. Other guys fly fish or fry up a gourmet meal.
Some of us are music lovers, avid readers and huge pet fans. These interests help fulfill us, but sometimes we can get caught up filling our days... and evenings... and weekends... pursuing activities that leave our families in the dust.
Take our interest in man's best friend. Our animals are companions for kids, protection for the home and just plain furry fun for the whole family. But, with all the extras and supplies available, there can be a tendency to get a little carried away.
We've got doggy beds, doggy diet chow, and special canine clothing. People primp their pooches, put them up in pet hotels, and even take them to counselors, when they're not sure what's dogging Fido. Things can easily get out of hand.
While we enjoy our outside interests and hobbies, do we let these "extras" become sore spots in our lives? Do they absorb far more time, energy and money than we should be sacrificing?
Any diversion can draw us away from the relationships that make life worth living. Let's ask ourselves what's more important, fulfilling our own needs or being a father to our children? What will they remember longer? The shiny wax job on the classic 'vette? Or, all those times we got on the ground and wrestled around with them?
Guys, we can take our hobbies to the extreme, pouring money and time into efforts that have no lasting value. Anything we put ahead of our wives and children, whether a pedigreed pooch, a workbench full of tools, or a super-deluxe convertible, says something about who we are, as men. Let's keep first things first and stay clear of anything that pulls us away from our first priorities as fathers and husbands.
"...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." -- Philippians 4:8
Former head football coach of the University of Colorado, Coach Bill McCartney is the founder and former president of Promise Keepers. Currently he is the founder and chairman of The Road to Jerusalem ministry.
Nothing is written
My all-time favourite film is "Lawrence Of Arabia" and, if I have a favourite scene from the movie, then I guess it is the one of Lawrence's triumphal return from the Nefud desert, having gone back to rescue the Arab Gasim. The crossing of the Nefud desert is considered impossible, even by the local Arabs, but Lawrence persuades them that, in this way, they can take the Turkish port at Aqaba from the rear.
Having carried out the superhuman feat of traversing this furnace, it is discovered that one of the Arabs, Gasim, has fallen off his camel and is no doubt dying somewhere back in the desert. Lawrence is told that any idea of rescue is futile and, in any event, Gasim's death is "written". When Lawrence achieves the impossible and returns with Gasim still alive, Sherif Ali admits to him: "Truly, for some men nothing is written unless they write it".
As an impressionable teenager when this film was first released, I was stunned by Lawrence's courage and unselfishness in going back into the hell of the Nefud to attempt to find a man he hardly knew among the vast expanse of a fiery terrain and I was so moved by the sense of purpose of a man who is determined to take nothing as "written" but to shape his own destiny. This sense of anti-determinism and this belief that anything is possible has stayed with me always and continues to inspire me in small ways and large.
Nothing Beats Family
By Ridgely Goldsborough
I stepped into my hotel room to a pleasant surprise. Lots of room surrounded an inviting king-size bed, flanked by overstuffed armchairs that rested against sliding glass doors that opened onto a private patio. A small dining table sat next to a kitchenette with a separate sink, refrigerator and coffee machine. "Wow," I thought to myself. "Nice place."
I love hotels - from the Holiday Inn Express to the Ritz-Carlton and everything in between. I love to enter a clean room, hang my clothes and gaze out the window, walk out in the morning knowing that each afternoon when I return, someone else will have made the bed. I like in-room dining and the way they greet you so professionally. "Nice to have you with us again, Mr. Goldsborough." Very cool.
The problem is that unless Alison travels with me, I never sleep well in hotels. I miss my family. Even though Linus and Camille, at ages 4 and almost 2, find a way to interrupt even the best night's sleep at home, still, I'd rather be with them. I'll take Linus clamoring over me at five AM or a kick in the chin from Camille over the finest linens and a chocolate on my pillow. When I'm on the road I yearn for my loved ones.
I'm deeply troubled by the number of parents who wake up too late with the realization: "My children grew up too fast. In the hustle-bustle of career and corporate rat race, I missed their childhood." What they fail to say but too often inwardly think causes me even more pain: "...and I barely even know them."This applies to couples as well - so in a hurry to get who-knows-where - a destination seldom defined. Relationships turn into co-habitations, romance into convenience. Very disturbing.
A hundred years from now, no one will remember the size of your bank account, the car you drove or the square footage of your house. The world might differ greatly however, based on your impact in the life of a small child. Your life will most certainly improve, if you pay attention to your significant other, make the choice to put her or him first. Your example will benefit the rest of us. Our world cries out for role models and heroes of every day living. What could you do today to let your loved ones know how much they mean to you? What will you do tomorrow? And the next day?
Think of one specific action that you can take, and take it. Then think of another one and take that, too. Challenge yourself to find new ways to express your appreciation and love on a daily basis. It will pay off ten-fold at home.
On those slightly stressful days when the grass looks a little greener and you feel like maybe you need a break, remember this. Room service will never kiss you goodnight!
The house with the golden windows
The little girl lived in a small, very simple, poor house on a hill and as she grew she would play in the small garden and as she grew she was able to see over the garden fence and across the valley to a wonderful house high on the hill - and this house had golden windows, so golden and shining that the little girl would dream of how magic it would be to grow up and live in a house with golden windows instead of an ordinary house like hers.
And although she loved her parents and her family, she yearned to live in such a golden house and dreamed all day about how wonderful and exciting it must feel to live there.
When she got to an age where she gained enough skill and sensibility to go outside her garden fence, she asked her mother is she could go for a bike ride outside the gate and down the lane. After pleading with her, her mother finally allowed her to go, insisting that she kept close to the house and didn't wander too far. The day was beautiful and the little girl knew exactly where she was heading! Down the lane and across the valley, she rode her bike until she got to the gate of the golden house across on the other hill.
As she dismounted her bike and lent it against the gate post, she focused on the path that lead to the house and then on the house itself...and was so disappointed as she realised all the windows were plain and rather dirty, reflecting nothing other than the sad neglect of the house that stood derelict.
So sad she didn't go any further and turned, heart broken as she remounted her bike ... As she glanced up she saw a sight to amaze her...there across the way on her side of the valley was a little house and its windows glistened golden ...as the sun shone on her little home.
She realised that she had been living in her golden house and all the love and care she found there was what made her home the 'golden house'. Everything she dreamed was right there in front of her nose!
Did You Know ?
Just for Laughs
The Minister and the Taxi Driver
A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven.
While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, "I am a taxi driver from New York City."
The angel standing at the gate calls out next and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses, and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased, and proceeds through the gates.
Next, the minister steps up to the angel who hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water.
The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life as a minister and get nothing! How can that be?"
The angel replies, "Up here we judge on results—all of your people sleep through your sermons—in his taxi, they pray."
12 February 2017
Quotes to Inspire
Words of Wisdom
Thank you, Lord
A newly arrived soul in Heaven was met by St. Peter. The saint toured the soul around Heaven. Both of them walked side by side inside a large workroom filled with angels. St. Peter stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving Section. Here, all the petitions to God said in prayer are received". The soul looked at the section, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets from all the people of the world.
They walked again until they reached the 2nd section, and St. Peter told the soul, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are packed and delivered to the persons who asked for them down on earth." The soul saw how busy it was. There were so many angels working in that room, since so many blessing were being packed and delivered to Earth.
Finally at the farthest corner of the room, the soul stopped at the last section. To the surprise of the soul, only one angel stayed there idly, doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledging Section," St. Peter told the soul. "How is it that, there is no work here?" "That's the sad thing," St. Peter answered. "After the people received the blessings they asked for, very few send their acknowledgments". "How does one acknowledge God's blessing?" "Simple," St. Peter answered. "Just say, "Thank you, Lord."
Thank you Lord, for giving me the chance to share this message with others and also, for giving me so many wonderful people to share this with.
Provided by Free Christian Content.org
The Homeless Person
-- Author- Unknown
The parking lot filled rapidly on Sunday morning as members of the large church congregation filed into church. As usually happens in a church that size, each member had developed a certain comfort zone - a block of space within those four church walls that became theirs after the second or third sitting.
It was as much a part of their church experience as the recliner was to the television at home. Some of the older members had been sitting in the same row on the same side for several decades. A team of oxen could not have moved them to the opposite side of the church.
One morning a stranger stood at the edge of the parking lot near a dumpster. As families parked cars and piled out, they noticed him rummaging through the trash. "Oh no! I don't believe it," whispered a lady to her husband. "That's all we need -- a bunch of homeless people milling around here."
One worried little girl tugged on her dad's sleeve. "But Daddy..."
Daddy was busy sizing up the bearded stranger, whose baggy, outdated trousers and faded flannel shirt had dusted too many park benches.
"Don't stare at him, honey," he whispered, and hurried her inside.
Soft music filled the high-ceiling sanctuary as churchgoers settled into their usual spots. The choir sang an opening chorus, "In His presence there is comfort ... in His presence there is peace...".
Sunlight suddenly flooded the center aisle. The double doors swung open and the homeless man, sloppy and stooped, headed toward the front.
"Oh no, it's him!" somebody muttered.
"What does he think he's doing, anyway?" snapped an incredulous usher.
The stranger set his bagful of dumpster treasures on the very first pew which had been upholstered in an expensive soft teal fabric just three months ago. The music stopped. And before anyone had a chance to react, he ambled up the stairs and stood behind the fine, handcrafted oak podium, where he faced a wide-eyed congregation.
The disheveled stranger spoke haltingly at first, in a low, clear voice. Unbuttoning and removing his top layer of clothing, he described Jesus, and the love He has for all people.
"Jesus possesses a sensitivity and love that far surpasses what any of us deserves."
Stepping out of the baggy old trousers, the stranger went on to describe a forgiveness that is available to each and every one of us...without strings attached.
"Unconditionally He loves us. Unconditionally He gave His very life for us. Unconditionally and forever, we can have the peace and assurance that no matter who we are, where we've come from, or how badly we may have mistreated others or ourselves, there is hope."
"In Jesus, there is always hope."
"You see, my friends, it is never too late to change," the man continued.
"He is the Author of change, and the Provider of forgiveness. He came to bring new meaning to 'life'."
Men and women squirmed as reality hit them like an electrical current. The stranger tugged at his knotted gray beard, and removed it.
"I'm here to tell you that we are loved with a love far beyond human understanding, a love that enables us to accept and love others in return." Then tenderly he added, "Let's pray together."
That wise pastor - under the guise of a homeless "nobody" - did not preach a sermon that day, but every person left with plenty to think about.
You're Better Than That
Todd was an angry nine-year-old being raised by his mom after his dad abandoned the family. Not knowing how to handle his anger, she sent him for the summer to live with his grandparents on a farm. When Todd screamed at his grandmother, his granddad immediately pulled him outside where he showed him a two-by-four, a box of two-inch nails and a big hammer. He told Todd that every time he lost his temper he would be sent outside and that he couldn't return until he pounded a big two-inch nail all the way into the two-by-four.
After about a dozen trips to the "nail shed," Todd began to control his temper more and pound less. After a solid week of self-control he proudly announced that he had learned his lesson.
His grandma said, "Not yet," and she took him to the shed. She told him to pull out all the nails he had pounded in. After two hours Todd told his grandma he was finished.
She smiled and put her arm around him as they surveyed the bent nails and the holes in the two-by-four. Then she said: "Your temper may have helped you pound in those nails but it didn't change anything, did it? Pulling out the nails didn't do much good either. It's like saying you're sorry. Sorry doesn't fix the holes."
"Here's the thing, Todd. Anger makes holes that sorry can't fix. You can't do much about old holes, but you can stop making new ones. Remember, every time you do something mean and nasty you're putting a hole somewhere, in someone. That's what your dad did to you. Please don't do that to anyone else. You are better than that."
After living a "decent" life, my time on earth came to an end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen. I sat down and looked to my left and there sat my lawyer, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed familiar to me. The corner door flew open and there appeared the judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as he moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
As he took his seat behind the bench, he said, "Let us begin." The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own lawyer, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at my representative who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life, couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I've done? Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.
When it was his turn, my lawyer first asked if he might approach the bench. The judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned him to come forward. As he got up and started walking, I was able to see him in his full splendor and majesty. I realized why he seemed so familiar. This was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the bench and softly said to the judge, "Hi Dad," and then he turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And yes the wages of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished." Jesus took a deep breath and turned to his Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted me as his Savior, so he is mine." My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."
As Jesus sat down, he quietly paused, looked at his Father and replied, "There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all." The judge lifted his mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from his lips... "This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. Case dismissed."
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I'll win the next one." I asked Jesus as he gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?" Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to me and asked me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, Paid in Full."
Provided by Free Christian Content.org
Did You Know?
God looks over the millions of people and says 'Welcome to Heaven. I want the women to go with Saint Peter, and the men to form two lines. Make one line of the men that dominated their women on earth, and the other of men who were dominated by their women.'
There's much movement, but eventually the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated is 100 miles long. The line of men that dominated women has only one man.
God gets angry and says, 'You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all dominated by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!'
He turns to the man and says, 'Tell them, my son. How did you manage to be the only one on that line?'
The man says, 'I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.'
GOD WILL PROVIDE
A young woman brought her fiance home to meet her parents.After dinner,her mother told her father to find out about the young man.
The father invited the fiance to his study for a talk.
'So what are your plans?' the father asked the young man.
'I am a biblical scholar,' he replied.
'A Biblical scholar.Hmmm,' the father said. 'Admirable,but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?'
'I will study,' the young man replied, 'and God will provide for us.'
'And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring,such as she deserves?' asked the father.
'I will concentrate on my studies,' the young man replied,'God will provide for us.'
'And children?' asked the father. 'How will you support children?'
'Don't worry, sir, God will provide,' replied the fiance.
The conversation proceeded like this, and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.
Later, the mother asked, 'How did it go, Honey?'
The father answered, 'He has no job and no plans, and he thinks I'm God!'
5 February 2017
Quotes to Inspire
Daddy’s Empty Chair
-- Author Unknown
A man’s daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows.
An empty chair sat beside his bed.
The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit. “I guess you were expecting me," he said.
“No, who are you?” said the father.
The minister told him his name and then remarked, “I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up,”
“Oh yeah, the chair,” said the bedridden man. “Would you mind closing the door?”
Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
“I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter,” said the man. “But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head. I abandoned any attempt at prayer,” the old man continued, “until one day, four years ago, my best friend said to me, ‘Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here is what I suggest...’”
‘Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It’s not spooky, because He promised, ‘I will be with you always.’ Then just speak to Him in the same way you’re doing with me right now.’”
“So, I tried it and I’ve liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I’m careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she’d either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.”
The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church.
Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon.
“Did he die in peace?” the minister asked.
“Yes. When I left the house about two o’clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But, there was something strange about his death. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?”
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, “I wish we could all go like that.”
Define What You Have In Mind
-- Author unknown
Have you ever heard the quote by Mark Twain "The world owes you nothing, it was here first?" A conversation I had today with one of my students got me thinking. Why does everyone think we're just entitled to success? The truth is...
You don't deserve anything.
Yet, you deserve to have it all.
Does that make sense? Two opposites, that at only the highest level of awareness - can you sit at both completely comfortable and content being in both realties. Because both are true. The world is unfortunately set up for your failure. All the odds are against you? But aren't there promises blatantly scribed in the worlds most ancient scriptures proclaiming we are and we become what we seek.
This isn't the Law of Attraction.
I'm not about the "woo woo" --- Really. I'm not!
Here's what I am saying. Today you have the option to become whatever you want. You have the option to design the life. And your current situation is the direct consequence by your design (or default) in the past.
And I'm talking about specifics.
My aunt and I were speaking yesterday about the power of prayer. Now, we may not have the same God (if you need one, I can introduce you to mine)... but I think we can both agree on the power of prayer.
A young man was telling a story in a book about how for months he prayed to God asking for a bicycle and a desk. Discouraged and in tears one night, this kid sought his God to question Him "Why are you forgetting me? I've been praying ever so diligently" God responded; "You've asked for nothing, I have no idea what bicycle you want, there are thousands of varieties...and you desk? How big? What color? Do you want a chair too?"
The boy stirred up his faith and his Design Cap and captured his dream bike and desk on paper. He wanted an American bike (was from Asia) and a desk made of Philippine mahogany. After some time in thought, he went back to sleep.
The best part of the story was a few months later he had the exact bike he wanted and the desk he longed for.
What do you want? Looking for a spouse? Have you clearly written down exactly what your ideal spouse looks like, sounds like, does for a living, their body type, race, occupation?
How about your dream business or clientele? I know for me, when I am designing my life - I don't ask for just "more customers" What kind of customers do you want? I want those that are absolutely in love with my product. That refer me their colleagues. Ones that will reorder religiously.
This works for everything!
Once things are clearly defined and you realize that as much as you are worth every bit to receive this (oh, and that's so important) now you have to set your sights on accepting it into your life.
There is nothing that will stomp on a dream or a vision or a plan than lack of faith and crossed arms. Open wide.
There is a common phrase we hear so often "Ask and you shall receive," but they sometimes leave out the next portion "Seek and you shall find."
The next step is to seek the information. Seek the prospects (business or romantic LOL!). To seek is to act. To act is to win.
Be a winner!
Buy The Milk
A young man had been to Wednesday night Bible Study. The Pastor had spoken about "listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice."
The young man couldn't help but wonder, "Does God still speak to people?" After service he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message. Several different ones talked about how God had led them in different ways. It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray,"God, if you still speak to people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey."
As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk. He shook his head and said out loud, "God is that you?" He didn't get a reply, so he started on toward home. But again, the thought came to him... buy a gallon of milk.
The young man thought about Samuel, and how he didn't recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to Eli. "Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk." It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk. So, he stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started toward home.
As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, "Turn down that street." This is crazy, he thought, and drove on past the intersection. Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street. At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out loud, "Okay, God, I will".
He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in a semi-commercial area of town. It wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst of neighborhoods either. The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark, like people were already in bed.
gain, he sensed something, "Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street." The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat. "Lord, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going to be mad and I will look stupid."
Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk. Finally, he opened the door and said, "Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be obedient. I guess that will count for something but, if they don't answer right away, I am out of here."
He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise inside. A man's voice yelled out, "Who is it? What do you want?" Then the door opened before the young man could get away. The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep.
The man asked, "What is it?"
The young man thrust out the gallon of milk and said, "Here, I brought this to you," he said. The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway speaking loudly in Spanish. Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen.
The man was following following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face. The man began speaking and half crying, "We were just praying. We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking God to show me how to get some milk." His wife in the kitchen yelled out,"I ask him to send an angel with some. Are you an Angel?"
The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put it in the man's hand. Then he turned and walked back toward his car and tears were streaming down his face. He knew then that God does still speak to people... and answer prayers.
Can Anybody See God?
-- Author Unknown
A small boy once approached his slightly older sister with a question about God.
"Susie, can anybody ever really see God?" he asked. Busy with other things, Susie curtly replied: "No, of course not, silly. God is so far up in heaven that nobody can see him."
Time passed, but his question still lingered, so he approached his mother: "Mom, can anybody ever really see God?" "No, not really," she gently said. "God is a spirit and he dwells in our hearts, but we can never really see him."
Somewhat satisfied but still wondering, the youngster went on his way. Not long afterwards, his saintly old grandfather took the little boy on a fishing trip. They were having a great time together -- it had been an ideal day. The sun was beginning to set with unusual splendor as the day ended.
The old man stopped fishing and turned his full attention to the exquisite beauty unfolding before him. On seeing the face of his grandfather reflecting such deep peace and contentment as he gazed into the magnificent ever-changing sunset, the little boy thought for a moment and finally spoke hesitatingly: "Granddad, I - I wasn't going to ask anybody else, but I wonder if you can tell me the answer to something I've been wondering about a long time. Can anybody, can anybody ever really see God?"
The old man did not even turn his head. A long moment slipped by before he finally answered. "Son," he quietly said. "It's getting so I can't see anything else."
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world."
-- Psalm 19:1-4
Did You Know ?
Just for laughs
Why do doctors and lawyers call what they do practice?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on your radio?
Why is a boxing ring square?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
How do they get the deer to cross the highway at those yellow signs?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
Family Problems ?
Two men met recently and struck up a conversation. One was telling the other about some problems he was having with one of his kids.
After a while the other guy said, "You think you have family problems? Get a load of my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson.
"Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me grandfather of my half-brother.
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife.
"I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather. Wow! You think you have family problems."1
I don't know about you, but now I'm utterly konfuzed with a capital "K"!
29 January 2017
Quotes to Inspire
The Doll And A White Rose
- V.A.Bailey -
I hurried into the local department store to grab some last minute Christmas gifts. I looked at all the people and grumbled to myself. I would be in here forever and I just had so much to do. Christmas was beginning to become such a drag. I kinda wished that I could just sleep through Christmas. But I hurried the best I could through all the people to the toy department. Once again I kind of mumbled to myself at the prices of all these toys. And wondered if the grandkids would even play with them.
I found myself in the doll aisle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little boy about 5 holding a lovely doll. He kept touching her hair and he held her so gently. I could not seem to help myself. I just kept looking over at the little boy and wondered who the doll was for. I watched him turn to a woman and he called his aunt by name and said, "Are you sure I don't have enough money?"
She replied a bit impatiently, "You know that you don't have enough money for it." The aunt told the little boy not to go anywhere that she had to go get some other things and would be back in a few minutes. And then she left the aisle. The boy continued to hold the doll.
After a bit I asked the boy who the doll was for. He said, "It is the doll my sister wanted so badly for Christmas. She just knew that Santa would bring it." I told him that maybe Santa was going to bring it. He said "No, Santa can't go where my sister is. I have to give the doll to my Momma to take to her."
I asked him where his sister was. He looked at me with the saddest eyes and said "She has gone to be with Jesus. My Daddy says that Momma is going to have to go be with her." My heart nearly stopped beating.
Then the boy looked at me again and said, "I told my Daddy to tell Momma not to go yet. I told him to tell her to wait till I got back from the store." Then he asked me if I wanted to see his picture. I told him I would love to. He pulled out some pictures he'd had taken at the front of the store. He said "I want my Momma to take this with her so she don't ever forget me. I love my Momma so very much and I wish she did not have to leave me. But Daddy says she will need to be with my sister."
I saw that the little boy had lowered his head and had grown so very quiet. While he was not looking I reached into my purse and pulled out a hand full of bills. I ask the little boy, "Shall we count that money one more time?" He grew excited and said, "Yes, I just know it has to be enough." So I slipped my money in with his and we began to count it. And of course it was plenty for the doll. He softly said, "Thank you Jesus for giving me enough money." Then the boy said, "I just ask Jesus to give me enough money to buy this doll, so Momma can take it with her to give to my sister and he heard my prayer! I wanted to ask him for enough to buy my Momma a white rose, but I didn't ask him, but he gave me enough to buy the doll and a rose for my Momma. She loves white roses so very very much."
In a few minutes the aunt came back and I wheeled my cart away. I could not keep from thinking about the little boy as I finished my shopping in a totally different spirit than when I had started. And I kept remembering a story I had seen in the newspaper several days earlier about a drunk driver hitting a car and killing a little girl and the Mother was in serious condition. The family was deciding on whether to remove the life support. Now surely this little boy did not belong with that story.
Two days later I read in the paper where the family had disconnected the life support and the young woman had died. I could not forget the little boy and just kept wondering if the two were somehow connected. Later that day, I could not help myself and I went out and bought some white roses and took them to the funeral home where the young woman was. And there she was holding a lovely white rose, the beautiful doll, and the picture of the little boy in the store. I left there in tears, my life changed forever. The love that little boy had for his little sister and his mother was overwhelming. And in a split second a drunk driver had ripped the life of that little boy to pieces.
As I faced my Maker at the last Judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives, like the squares of a quilt, in many piles.
An Angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that was our life.
But as my Angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares were. They were filled with giant holes! Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in everyday life. I saw hardships that I had endured, (which were the largest holes of all).
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Others had a tiny hole here and there, other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune.
I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened. My Angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air. Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light and the scrutiny of truth. The others rose each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been.
My Angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise. My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, death, and false accusations that took from me my world as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I had spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully; each time offering it up to the Father, in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me. And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it had been.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with eyes wide. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded through the many holes, creating an image.
The face of Christ.
Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said,
"Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you...Welcome Home My Child"
Your Wish Is My Command
-- by Joyce Shafer
From fiction-story dialogue to contemporary meta-spiritual reference, this utterance says a lot. But how many understand its impact on their experiences?
The fictional story with which most of us are familiar had Aladdin's genie grant him three wishes. In the movie, "The Secret," it's stated that the original story has no limit on the number of wishes that can be wished for.
It's easy to accept unlimited wishes but... realizing what the genie's response means, as it applies to the Law of Attraction, may take a bit more thought.
This week I spoke with someone who's fairly new to this type of information. She accepts it but as soon as any challenge appears in her life, even a small one, old programs bite her on the bumper sticker... only her bumper sticker doesn't read, "Shit Happens," hers is missing a key letter.
She insisted she can't move forward until she has 'Every Last Detail Detailed.' (Quoting Mike Litman again), "You don't have to get it right, you just have to get it going."
She commented her age is involved (it isn't), you have to have money (not a lot), have to have flyers (not true) and... her list of have-to-haves went on until I interrupted her.
We discussed how for around $30 she can get business cards printed. Then we discussed the free ways she can advertise her services, such as attending networking events, being a guest speaker at local meetings, contacting all of the former clients who were highly impressed with her skills and work ethic, plus a few other ideas that came up.
We talked about how every single emotionally charged thought she has causes her "personal genie," (a.k.a. the quantum field of potential), to respond to, "Your wish is my command," without censoring whatever thought-form she sets into motion.
She acknowledged that every time she spins herself into a negative vortex, she gets more of the same. I asked her if she's able to do that for experiences she doesn't desire to have... then think of how she would feel about doing it for what she wants to expand more of into her life.
I also suggested that instead of focusing on what she feels needs to be changed, she focus on what it feels like to live her dream.
It's interesting that she can accept responsibility for creating negatives in her life, yet assumes that responsibility for positives comes from outside her.
When Aladdin tells the genie his wish, he doesn't ask the genie how it's going to get accomplished... he knows it will. (If there was anything Aladdin needed to do to assist his genie, I'm pretty sure he'd do it.) It's the same for us. We muck up the process when we doubt it will happen... (nothing good happens to me), doubt how it can happen... (I have to control every detail all the while disclaiming my inner genie's power), and doubt we're worthy to have our wish granted (we place limits
When we place limits on what can happen...(maybe I'm not worthy) and how it can happen...fear of the unknown future, we simultaneously set limits on allowing it into our lives.
At one point, the woman said her genie wasn't doing his job right. "Just remember," I reminded her, "it's you who tells your genie what to do." As you go through the moments of your day, imagine hearing, "Your wish is my command," for every thought or word from you. Kind of makes you want to pay better attention to this, doesn't it?
what is the purpose of life?
Taken from the "Rick Warren Interview" -- by Paul Bradshaw
[Note: Rick Warren is author of best-selling book, "Purpose Driven Life," and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. This is an incredible short interview - You will enjoy the insights that he has, with his wife having cancer and him having 'wealth' from his book sales.]
People ask me, “What is the purpose of life?” And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body -- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
The Grocery List
Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food. John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store. Visualizing the family needs, she said: Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can." John told her he could not give her credit, as she did not have a charge account at his store.
Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family. The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?" Louise replied, "Yes sir" "O.K." he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries." Louise, hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down. The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it." The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more. The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer which said: "Dear Lord, you know my Needs and I am leaving this in your hands". The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence. Louise thanked him and left the store. The customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said, "It was worth every penny of it."
Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs.
So many of us do not take advantage of the power God has given us. A prayer!
Did You Know ?
Just for Laughs
A Sure Thing
Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away. Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!!!"
I read about a lady who spent some time in Egypt and brought back a rather unusual story. She was at a bazaar on one of Cairo's side streets, and saw a skull being exhibited. She asked the proprietor about it. He told her it was the skull of Cleopatra.
Alongside that skull was a smaller one which piqued her interest.
When she asked about that one, the proprietor said: "That m'lady is also Cleopatra's—but as a child."
22 January 2017
Quotes to Inspire
Lesson of the snake
This very short and enlightening story is like a parable from the Bible. It teaches that it's never to late to learn a lesson in life... especially if it can save a life ---- Author unknown
A man was in his cabin in the middle of a terrible snow storm when he heard a feeble scratching at his door.
He opened it to see a half frozen rattle snake on his doorstep begging to be let in from the bitter cold.
The man said to the snake, “I’m not going to let you in! You’re a rattle snake and you’re going to bite me!”
“No I won’t,” hissed the snake. “Just bring me in and get me warm and I’ll be your friend for life.”
Well, the man let the snake come in and even allowed it to rest upon his chest by the fire to get warm.
When the snake was completely comfortable it bit the man on the neck.
As he was dying, the man said, “but you promised you wouldn’t bite me and would be my friend for life.”
The snake calmly replied... “but you knew I was a snake when you let me in.”
Safe in the Storm
- Author unknown
A young man named Paul related a childhood memory of growing up in West Texas, which is tornado country. Springtime brings tornadoes there. One day when Paul was three or four years old, the skies turned black and the wind began to roar.
Paul's father hustled the five boys into the house and covered them with a mattress for protection from potential debris uprooted by the whirling winds. Paul peeked from under the mattress and watched his father standing by the window carefully watching the movement of the funnel cloud as it roared across the prairie.
Tensions rose. Fear gripped their hearts and Paul's heart pounded. Paul could not resist the urge to struggle out of the arms of his mother, race to the window, and wrap his arms around his father.
He remembers the distinct impression that the safest place to be in a storm was standing next to his father. Storms do come. Stand next to your [Heavenly] Father. It's safe there!
-- Author unknown
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.
He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.
The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you?
Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
The young boy was apologetic.
"Please, mister... please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop... " With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car.
"It's my brother," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts.
A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.
"Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.
Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar.
The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message.
"Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us.
It's our choice to listen or not.
Life In a Manure Pile
By Marsha Jordan
There was a time when my husband aspired to be a self-sufficient, back-to-the-land pioneer. He bought a windmill, some oil lamps, beehives, and a couple of pigs, which our son named Lois Lane and Clark Kent.
This dirty duo caused me many headaches, from the day we took them home. Although tied in gunny sacks and secured in the back of our pickup truck, the Houdini hoglets managed to free themselves , leap from the truck, and head for the hills. We eventually got the slippery little buggers safely home, but only after a rough and tumble scramble through the woods.
Lois and Clark were adventurous piglets who soon learned to scale their little pig house and jump off the roof to freedom outside the fence. Motorists on the busy highway near our home frequently reported seeing "two wild pigs" darting between cars. And more than once, I received angry phone calls from neighbors who found the pair digging up their flower beds.
I was usually the only one home when the pigs went exploring, so the job of luring them home fell to yours truly. How does one convince two full grown hogs to follow you? It requires a slop bucket full of cottage cheese, apple peels, and other goodies.
Once I had to trudge through waist-high snow, leaving a trail behind me of table scraps. By this time, L and C had become man eaters, so they followed close behind chomping at my heels.
Yes, pigs BITE - at least Lois and Clark did. And once they tasted blood, they preferred it to their usual diet.
That diet consisted of truckloads of stale bakery bread , sour milk from the dairy, and scraps from local restaurants. Keeping the pair of porkers fed was a big job. Lois and Clark ate a lot - and you can imagine what else they did - a LOT. The manure pile grew into a mountain which remained in the field long after Lois and Clark were transformed to bacon and pork chops and laid to rest in our freezer.
The following summer, I planted a huge garden. I lovingly weeded it, fertilized it, and tended it daily only to discover at the end of the season that my prized vegetables were dwarfed in comparison to the huge tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash that had sprung up from the manure pile.
Why am I telling you more than you cared to know about pigs and manure? Because there is something to be learned here (God has lessons for us everywhere, if we are willing to see them).
Most folks have felt the pain of seeing their hopes shattered and dreams destroyed. We all have felt at times like life is one big dung heap and we're living smack dab in the middle of a mountain of manure!
The Bible says that God can produce beauty from ashes. He can take the smelly, disgusting pile of manure that our lives can sometimes be - and He can grow some prize-winning, life-giving fruit (and veggies) from what looks to us like garbage.
So there is hope - even atop the manure pile. Just as the garbage in a compost heap makes a garden grow, the garbage in our lives can bring forth good things too that help us to grow.
We may wonder why God allows the manure to pile up in our lives, but I'm sure it's no accident or surprise to Him. The good news is that we don't have to climb that manure mountain alone. Trouble comes into every life, but we have a source of strength to uphold and guide us; and we have hope, the essential ingredient for making it through the dung heap.
So grab a shovel and start digging. There's a harvest on the other side.
Did you Know?
Just for Laughs
THEOLOGY AS EXPLAINED BY CHILDREN
The first book of the Bible is Guinessis, in which Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.
Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.
The 7th commandment is 'Thou shalt not admit adultery.'
Joshua let the Hebrew in the battle of Geritol.
David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
The people who followed Jesus were called the 13 decibels.
The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew.
Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Godly person should have only one wife. This is called monotony.